


You never really know somebody

by siangjiang



Category: Cracked - Ambiguous Fandom, Cracked: After Hours
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 22:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5107307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siangjiang/pseuds/siangjiang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soren has a little secret he never planned on telling the others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You never really know somebody

Soren pulled his hat down over his ears. It was freezing, but besides him Daniel was still blushing and smiling like an idiot, occasionally hiding his face in his hands exactly the way a grown ass man shouldn't be doing after watching a romantic comedy.

"How can you possibly love that movie so much?" Soren asked "It was so predictable"

"Yeah" Katie said "Girl's boyfriend breaks up with her, girl swears off men, girl's friends and family won't stand for that so girl goes on a few horrible dates, girl meets boy at coffee shop, boy is very rich, misunderstanding happens and girl thinks boy thinks he can buy her for money, girl swears off men again, misunderstanding is solved, they kiss in the rain"

"Very unrealistic" Michael added "If he was really that rich there should have been at least one scene where she walks in on him doing a line" He mimicked snorting coke just to drive the point home.

"He wouldn't!" Daniel said offended "Didn't you get it? Despite all his money he wasn't living his life. She taught him how to have fun. How can you not think that's cute?"

"It's cliche" Soren said "The worst crime a movie can commit"

"Besides" Katie said "They never really solved their problems. She's still going to feel out of place in his high class society among his snobbish friends, and is he going to move into a small apartment with her? Of course not. Unless she change and become a boring white rich girl too, there's no way it can work"

Daniel had stopped smiling ".....Love will find a way?"

The others shook their heads. Daniel looked at his feet.

"So, now that we're done crushing Daniel's hopes and dreams, wanna go to the diner?" Michael asked.

"Can't" Soren said "I have a date in an hour, but I'm up for it if we can find a place where we can get something quick at a stand"

"Won't you be inviting your date out for dinner?" Katie asked.

"It's not that kind of date. I won't get a chance to eat for a while" The mischievous smile on Soren's face said it all.

"I know a great place!" Michael blurted, looking a little too excited.

"Pass" Daniel mumbled.

"No no, it's great! It's owned by this old black German couple, and they make the best hotdogs! You've got to try it!"

The others looked at each other. Katie shrug her shoulders. Soren did the same. Daniel still looked like a kicked puppy.

"Is it far?"

"Not really. Besides, I know a shortcut so we can be there in 2 minutes"

"You want to walk there?"

"It's right over there" Michael said, pointing in what seemed like a random direction "We just have to jump over a few fences and we're there"

****************

They were in a park. A dark, cold, deserted park where the trees and bushes were reaching up towards the starry night sky with naked pointy branches. 

Soren watched Michael and Katie from a distance. Katie was keeping her voice down, but the way she was grabbing Michael's jacket and shaking him violently made it obvious what she was saying.

"Maybe you should just go back" Daniel said from behind him "You're going to be late for your date"

"I'm already late. She hates waiting so I might as well not go at all now, unless I want to spend the rest of the night banging on her door"

"So she's off the list?"

"Nah, not yet. She's angry now, but she'll call in a few weeks. They always do"

"How romantic..."

Soren looked at Daniel. He had zipped his jacked all the way up and lifted his shoulders, effectively covering the lower half of his face. He kinda looked like a pissy turtle.

"Did you just put down my love life because you're still angry we didn't like the movie?"

"It's not a love life. It's a sex life. You don't know what romance is" He didn't really sound angry, just sad.

How could Daniel be such a romantic at heart? Soren had never seen him show any romantic interest in anyone (real), and quite frankly, Soren wasn't even sure if Daniel had lost his virginity. Maybe that was the problem. He had no real experience to go by, just stupid romcoms.

Soren sighed and pulled his beanie off. "Here" he said, handing it to Daniel "You're cold" The offering seemed to soften Daniel up a bit, but he still wanted to be annoyed.

"Aren't you going to freeze?"

Soren laughed and pulled the hat down over Daniel's ears. "I have more hair than you. Still"

For a moment neither of them moved. Daniel looked uneasy and suddenly Soren realized he was effectively cupping Daniel's face. Unsure of the situation, Daniel bit his lower lip, drawing attention to his mouth. 

Maybe it was because Soren had done this a hundred times with more women than he could remember, or maybe he had lost his mind. He knew he should be thinking all sorts of things, reconsidering his life and identity, but he didn't. Without a single thought going though his head he placed a gentle, close mouthed kiss on Daniel's lips.

Daniel blinked rapidly, frozen on the spot. He wanted to scream and push Soren away, not because he didn't want it, God knew he had fantasized about this a million times, but because he didn't know what else to do. He closed his eyes to calm himself down, but quickly realized it only made the situation even more intimate. It was like a a deep, satisfying warmth spreading through his body, and he felt a tingling where Soren was touching his cheeks.

He almost allowed himself to lean into Soren's embrace when he heard Katie's shrill voice in the distance. 

"OH MY GOD!"

Daniel opened his eyes and stared straight into a pair of white glowing holes. Terrified he stepped back, away from Soren who looked confused down at his own body. His skin started to crack and the light in his eyes intensified. He looked up at Daniel and let out quiet, nervous "Dan..."

It was like his body exploded into a million tiny, glimmering pieces flying out in all directions, then stopped mid air. In the mist stood something that looked like Soren. He floated a few centimeters over the ground and his body seemed to be made of light, colors and smoke all in one. The glass-like pieces of Soren's old body followed his every movement, but Soren didn't seem to notice. He was starring at his hands, then at Daniel like something clicked in his head. He smiled.

"Cool!" Michael shouted, breaking the silence, and Soren started laughing.

"You broke the spell!" he said, gliding towards Daniel who took a few steps back.

"What spell? What is going on?" Katie asked from a safe distance right before Soren reached Daniel.

"I'm a god! Well, what you guys would call a god"

"No way!" Michael shouted, his voice dripping with disbelief. Katie looked nervously at him.

"Yes way! Did you honestly think a human could be as perfect as me?"

Michael scoffed "What the hell, man? When did you plan on telling us?"

"Never. It was non of your business"

Michael made a face like he was about to say that actually it was kinda their business, but Soren interrupted him "I used to travel all over the universe, but a jealous witch trapped me in an embryo. She wanted me to grow up and learn true love through the human experience or something, and said only a true loves kiss could set me free" he turned towards Daniel again "I've been kissing women all my life looking for the right one, and then it was you the whole time!" Soren couldn't stop laughing.

Daniel looked like he was about to pee his pants "True loves kiss? And you said my romantic comedies were cliche..."

"Shit, I gotta find her!" Soren said, a dark streak suddenly crossing his face. Then he disappeared into thin air, the pieces around him loosing their shine and falling to the ground.

Daniel stared at the empty spot, then at Katie and Michael who looked at each other.

******************

Diner nights hadn't been the same since Soren disappeared. His chair stood empty next to Daniel as a constant reminder something was missing, and it effected them all, especially Daniel. He had started placing Soren's hat, the only thing left of him, on the table in his place.

Katie worried about him. Daniel wasn't exactly good at making friends, and she doubted he would ever find someone to replace Soren.

"Maybe he'll come back" she smiled, tilting her head a bit at Daniel when he looked up at her. There was no anger or blame to be traced in his face, only sadness.

He pushed a piece of meat around his plate "He said I was his true loves kiss" he mumbled "He would have been back by now if that was true"

"Maybe he's just looking for that witch he talked about so he can fuck her up" Michael said "Or just fuck her" He snorted at his own joke and got an elbow in the ribs from Katie.

"Ow! What!? He said she was jealous, so clearly they used to fuck!" Another hard jab in his side "OW!!"

"Hi guys. If we're beating up Michael I'm all in"

Daniel let out a tiny, excited whine when Soren suddenly sat down next to him, looking perfectly human. Soren just smiled at him.

"Soren!" Katie beamed, and even Michael looked happy "What happened? Where have you been?"

"Oh I just-" he stopped and picked up the beanie "Why is there a hat on my table?"

"No reason!" Daniel quickly said, snatching it from Soren's hands and hugging it close to his chest.

"O-kay? Anyway, I just went and had a talk with the witch and then thought I'd travel the universe. It's been a while since I last visited another planet. Some of them had developed life"

Katie giggled, confused but happy, and Michael stuffed a big piece of cake in his mouth, eyes big and excited about the story.

"Then...why did you come back?" Daniel asked, twisting the hat between his fingers. Soren smiled and placed a hand on Daniel's shoulder "I missed you"  
Daniel's face went red and lit up in a huge smile.

"Aw, thank you buddy" Michael said, holding a hand to his chest "We missed you too" Soren just glared at him.

"Are you going to stay?" Katie asked "I mean, there must be so much to see in the universe"

"Nah, it's okay" Soren said, shrugging his shoulders "None of the alien life were developed enough to invent Batman yet, so yeah, I'll stay"

Daniel could barely contain his excitement "Speaking of which, there's a new Batman movie in theaters now. Wanna go watch it?"

"Yeah, sure" Soren said, starting to get up, but Katie grabbed his arm.

"Before we go, maybe we should swing by the police station? Your parents, well, human parents, got worried when you didn't come back, and we were the last people to be seen with you, so we're kinda suspected of your murder"

"Oh shit, right, sorry about that" Soren said "Yeah, let's do that first"


End file.
